”My mind raced as to what she could have planned, but it wasn’t long before I found out.“Kneel in front of me." She said as she picked up the cucumber."Open your mouth wide." She beckoned."Wider," She snapped. "Us girls have to accommodate cock whenever you men want, which is very wrong. So I think it’s only right that you know what that feels like," she laughed. "First, we will see how it slides in and out of your mouth, and then we are going to see how you deal with it sliding in and out of your pussy arse,” she said mockingly.She began pushing the cucumber slowly in and out of my mouth, and I had to stretch wide to accommodate it as it was so large, which really amused Julie.“Just like a cock. Imagine what it’s going to do to your arse hole,” she laughed.She continued for about five minutes, deliberately making me gag on several occasions to mimic a blow job, as she informed me.When she had tired, she ordered me back over her knee, where she carefully parted my arse cheeks to. Each day I think. Each day I cry. I cry for the love I had to give up. I cry for the longing I have in my heart. I cry for the future that holds no joy for me. I cry and I wonder how I can go on feeling this way, lost and alone. I cry, with the knowing that I am lost, confused and alone. Each day I cry. Each day I worry. I worry that I can and will not make it. That I will attempt something irrational. That I will give in and surrender to my sorrow, my pain, my sadness. To take the cowards way out, the easy way out, the wrong way out. To write off a world that can be a beautiful place to be. So I worry and hope it never comes to this. I do not wish to contemplate otherwise. The alternative is not pleasant. The alternative is to not go on at all. Each day I worry. Each day I do it. I do it again and over again. I have to. I try to escape the pain I feel. Try to escape the heaviness, which seems to be crushing in on me. Try to keep on living this life, such that it is, a life that.
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